butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
