I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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