I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
