Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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