I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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