he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize