You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
