Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
