my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
