sarcasm needs its own font
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize