Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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