He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
