I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
