I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
try to milk me bitch
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