You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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