Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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