I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
