Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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