Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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