I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
