she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
