I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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