The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize