I am spending my child support on dildos
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
