when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
