I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize