1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
