my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize