So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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