Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
