nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
