ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
