I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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