Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
