shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
