Only a mothe r could love this liver
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
