so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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