No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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