bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
