I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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