i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
