Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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