what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
