sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
