don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
