she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
