she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
