walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
