bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
