My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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