I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
