New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
