Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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