He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
