Pappa wants mamma naked
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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