I'm laying in your front yard are you home
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
