I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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