...so i touched it.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
