After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize