Your dad touched me again.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
