Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
