i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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