apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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