How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
