Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
